you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize