i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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