The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize