She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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