I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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