Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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