I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize