there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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