You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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