ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize