I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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