I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where is the hickey?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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