After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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