I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I party with great urgency now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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