but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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