All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize