I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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Oh.
You came to the right person.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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