Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We need to get me chipped asap
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Never underestimate the power of titties
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