So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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