by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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