So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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