Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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