you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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