screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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