Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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