I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My life is pants optional.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize