His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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