she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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