jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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