Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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