Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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