i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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