when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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