My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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