I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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