I wish I could teleport
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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