Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize