Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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