note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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