Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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