I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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