I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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