shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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