Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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