Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize