I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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