What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize