so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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