vagina is talking i cant
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
third nipple confirmed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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