I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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